Ashley (Gomes) Kettmann is a former Foothill High School in Pleasanton and San Jose State golfer. After college she competed professionally, including competing in two seasons of the Big Break on the Golf Channel, finishing runner-up in Big Break VII: Reunion at Reunion. She currently lives in Livermore with her husband Jeff and their four children. She teaches lessons at the Pleasanton Golf Center as well as privately and counts Golden State Warrior Andre Iguodala as a client. Kettmann is the founder of Queen of the Green and can followed on Instagram under that title. Kettmann is writing a blog for ACES about golf from a woman’s perspective.
Confidence is something you either have or you don’t. You can fake it for a while, but eventually insecurity will rear its nasty head.
How do you get confidence? Are you born with it? Is it the way you were raised? Is it something learned? Or is it a combination of all of the above?
I have never lacked in the confidence department. When I was playing golf competitively, everyone used to tell me how intimidating I was. I quickly learned that the intimidation factor was because of the way I carried myself. I would walk onto a golf course thinking that I was the best and knowing I could beat anyone.
For many people, seeing someone with a strut causes them to question their own ability in all aspects of life. I was recently texting with Vince Cellini who was the host of the Big Break during my two seasons on the Golf Channel (he is finally back on the Golf Channel and also works At NBA TV, covering the Cleveland Cavaliers…whom the Golden State Warriors beat last year for the Championship!) and he said, “I just remember how confident you were back then.” Naturally, my reply back was “Some things never change!”
Where did my confidence come from? My parents of course would say we’re so proud of you, or you are doing great, or you’re so good when I practiced my golf and played well. They always instilled believing in yourself, working hard, and being the best, you can be to myself, my sister, and my brother when we were growing up.
Kids can hear what parents are saying, but they must see it to believe in themselves. I truly think playing golf gave me all my confidence. Competing in an individual sport forced me to either rise to the top or be swept away in mediocrity – and I wasn’t okay being mediocre. I have always wanted to be the best in everything I do.
Even after having four kids, I honestly believe that if I dedicated 12 weeks to practicing and working solely on my golf game, I would be able to compete at a high level of golf again – that’s how confident of a person that I am.
My confidence from golf has overflowed into all aspects of my life. I walk into a room like a BOSS, and some people can’t handle that. That’s their problem, not mine! If you can’t handle my swag, then get out of my way!!!!
Parents are so quick to throw their kids into organized team sports – I’m one of them. My son plays baseball and hockey, but he was born confident. Clark (4) is extremely coordinated and believes he can play any sport well, which he does.
My husband, Jeff played baseball is college, so our kids come from a strong line of athletes. My daughter on the other hand is not as confident. She is coordinated and can play sports well, but she is cautious and hesitant and tends to be the child that clings to me when we walk in a room full of people.
So, Jeff and I decided that I am going to focus on working with Hadley (5) in golf. We think if she sees herself excelling at an individual sport, her confidence will soar. With her personality, she can easily get lost in the shuffle and craziness of soccer, softball, or any other team sport.
I’m not saying that I want Hadley to only play golf – okay, that is my dream – but for now we are using golf lessons as a tool to give her the confidence that she is lacking. Once she gains confidence and learns that she is athletic and can play sports without hesitation, then I have no problem having her try anything else.
Until I see her walk into a room like she owns it, we will stick to just golf… And hopefully one day she will realize that she gets it all from her MAMA!!!!
By Ashley Kettmann